Hurt
by sulpicia29
Summary: Liley oneshot. If only she knew what she knows today.


**A/N: This is just a oneshot which I spend a couple of hours tonight writing. I was inspired by Christina Aguilera's song 'Hurt', hence the title. Just a little bit of angst in the middle of the night.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Hannah Montana or Christina Aguilera related. I just love the music.  
**

**Hurt.**

Lilly was walking through the rain, with a heart that had long been shattered into a million tiny pieces. She remained haunted over the greatest mistake that she had made during her short lifetime. The path she was walking was one which had been so familiar to her when she was growing up, yet she had not walked it for nigh on three years now.

It seemed like only yesterday when she last saw her old lover's face. She had only been nineteen years-old when she threw everything that she had ever wanted away, to send it spiralling into an abyss where the entirety of what she had worked for was left to crash and burn.

"_Lilly, I'm so proud of you."_

Those were the last words that Miley Stewart had whispered to her that brilliant August afternoon as they stood together on the brink of a promising future.

Lilly had just withdrawn her lips from Miley's own, to be faced by a glistening pair of cerulean eyes that glowed out completion and total happiness after their first kiss. Lilly's own features had lifted whilst her lips parted to return a statement of love, to call Miley her own, to scream devotion to the heavens…

"_You disgust me." _

Her father's words still echoed about her mind, to bounce painfully off the cavernous emptiness of her psyche, which was always void of other thought whenever her father's parting words came to the forefront of her thoughts.

Teenage Lilly had trembled and a wall of doubt sprung up within her sky-blue eyes, blocking Miley's face temporarily whilst her father's snarling expression became increasingly more vivid and ashamed. Lilly's eyes snapped open once more to catch sight of Miley, who was now ashen-faced and shaking from Lilly's silence and doubt.

Lilly shook her head, turned her body and ran without a look back. There had been no goodbyes, but Miley had fallen to the ground fearing that Lilly was gone forever.

Three _long_ years had passed. Lilly had tracked down Miley's new address, and it was excruciatingly familiar.

Her footsteps broke out into a run whilst she chased down the pavements of the very streets she had grown up on. Her blood was hot as it pumped around her body, stirred on by adrenaline and sheer desperation whilst her heart screamed out for her beloved.

Lilly's feet slapped loudly down the apparently deserted street. It was the middle of the night and she only had the cruelty of the lashing rain, which blurred streetlamps and soaked through her clothes, for company.

Lilly stopped. Her blue eyes flashed up and lingered over the building before her. It was the Oken household and Lilly breathed in deeply, holding the air within her lungs until her chest was burning. She exhaled, raised a hand to her face to wipe at the water which had collected there and took her first step upon the driveway.

The walk was long and excruciating. Her feet were leaden and she trudged, rather than bounded toward Oliver's home, as she had done in her youth. She paused in her movement and looked up to the heavens, ignoring the rain which stung her eyes. Lilly silently prayed for the hourglass to be suddenly flipped; for the three years to be reversed.

Nothing happened. Lilly blinked and pressed on.

The windows were blank and dark whilst the house was still and unmoving. She raised her hand to knock at the door. Nobody came. Lilly almost growled in her frustration and paced dirty shoes over the welcome mat like a lion prowling in a cage. There was a tide building inside of her and eventually something was going to give.

Lilly Truscott was not a quitter. She grasped the door-knocker tightly within her fist and pummelled the wood with the brass handle. Her hand moved faster whilst her grip tightened and the first surge of raw emotion, channelled through her long suffered feelings of regret, came pouring out of her, like a scream, although her lips were squeezed shut.

A light flashed on in the window next to the door and Lilly stepped away from the entrance, temporarily blinded. She could hear footsteps and her pulse quickened. Her breath was uneven and her head felt lighter. Lilly's legs were threatening to buckle beneath her when the door opened.

"Who's there?" A voice spoke and Lilly shuddered from the sound, whilst she quailed back in the shadows.

Miley Stewart was poised in the doorway, flooded by light from behind which kept her expression wrapped in darkness until Lilly's eyes adjusted.

Lilly swallowed, yet her mouth was dry and could not aid her sticking throat. Her eyes flew up to meet Miley's and she stepped forward, into the light.

"Hello Miley."

The brunette looked as if she were about to faint and her hand flew to her chest where she held it over her heart. Her eyes widened incredulously as they began to locate the features which she had once so admired in the other woman's face.

"W-What are you doing here?" Miley finally asked. Her voice was stern, even though she had stuttered, and Lilly was tense.

"I came to talk to you. Please may I come in?" She asked tentatively.

"No." Miley rejected the idea straight away and took a step backward into her new home, "I think you should leave." She stated, although everything about her was trembling.

Lilly stepped forward and placed cold fingertips on Miley's wrist, "I can't. I have something to say."

Miley's eyes looked down in horror at Lilly's gesture and the blonde instantly retracted her hand when she saw Miley's reaction. It was as if the brunette was wielding a knife, but her blue eyes were even more piercing when they connected with Lilly's once more. Lilly did not look away from Miley's burning orbs, although she was scalded from the hate which lurked within them.

Eventually Miley reached behind her and pulled the door shut. She turned slightly to find the porch light which she flipped on, so that she might finally see her lost blonde in total clarity.

Lilly shrunk away from the brightness momentarily, yet the look on Miley's features was one of triumph when she noticed Lilly's apparent cowardice. The blonde stared back and the seconds turned into minutes whilst the rain came down around them.

"So, what have you come to say?" Miley asked, and her tone was icey.

Lilly flinched but stood her ground; she was not going to run away again.

"I'm sorry." Lilly answered with a steady voice.

"Is that all?" Miley snarled her eyes suddenly ablaze with a terrible fire that Lilly had never been subject to. Miley was angry, no furious, and Lilly could only take a deep breath, to prevent panicking and continue with her unresolved issues.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything that I couldn't do. I ran away from you when you needed me the most, just when my life was about to become perfect and I let something my dad had said alter everything that my life had led up to." Tears were streaking down Lilly's face, yet she found no shame in them as they merged with the rainwater which had long settled on her cheeks.

Miley merely watched Lilly and her expression remained steely and unreadable.

Lilly sobbed once before persisting, "Ever since that day, when I ran out on you, I've hurt myself for hurting you."

Miley's lip twitched and she crossed her arms before her, looking to Lilly like she was determined not to become undone by the blonde. Lilly had left her crippled and achingly alone when she had turned and run. If she had looked behind her, even for an instant, she knew that her resolve would have melted when she had seen Miley crying on the floor. Yet Lilly had never looked back, until tonight.

"Some days, after I left you, I felt broken inside but I wouldn't let myself admit it. I would just want to hide because I missed you so much. I would spend days in bed, crying sick from everything else, wondering if I should call you up, but I knew you wouldn't be there."

Miley shook her head with her eyes downcast and took a pitiless step away from Lilly's miserable apology. She refused to look into Lilly's eyes, or anywhere else on her person, and turned her attention to the empty street and the endless rain.

"All I've wanted to do since that day is hold you in my arms and try to take your pain away. I want to thank you for all you've done for me in the past and, by god, I've prayed that you'll forgive all my mistakes."

Miley exhaled and only twisted her body further away.

"Won't you look at me?" Lilly pleaded, "Won't you tell me I was wrong? Will you help me understand? Are you looking down on me? I know you're not proud of who I am, but there's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your voice again."

Miley turned back to look at Lilly and her face was softer, with cheeks stained pink from crying. Her arms relaxed slightly whilst she looked upon Lilly with eyes that flickered over the stricken girl, drinking her in and giving Lilly hope.

"Miley, if I had one more day I'd tell you how much I've missed you since I've been away."

Miley shook her head whilst her arms unlocked at last, and she moved shaking hands upward to run them through her long, wavy hair. Finally she returned her focus to Lilly with eyes that were blazing, "It's so dangerous that you've come here, and do you know what Lilly? You're so out of line trying to turn back time."

Lilly's blinked and more tears fell from her eyes. She glanced down to the floor before looking up to see Miley standing closer, but her eyes were guarded and that made Lilly want to despair; something was terribly wrong.

"Miley, I still love you." Lilly whispered.

Miley's right hand went to her mouth upon hearing Lilly's admission and her face creased up agonisingly as more tears fell.

"That is not what I need to hear now Lilly." Miley gasped as she turned away.

Lilly reached out and put her hand on Miley's shoulder, only to be shaken off.

"Miley." Lilly said strongly and gripped hold of Miley's arms.

The brunette struggled against Lilly's hold, yet the blonde had always been the strongest of the pair. Their breathing grew heavier and as they scuffled, they began to compete with the rain for their noise. Finally Lilly twisted Miley around, pushed her against the wall and gazed into her eyes with such intensity that it did not surprise her when Miley trembled in her embrace. Lilly leaned in closer until she could feel the brunette's hot breath against her lips. Lilly licked her tongue across them subconsciously whilst her eyes flickered back and forth across Miley's own, which were following hers in mounting trepidation.

Finally the space between them was breached as Lilly boldly, yet softly, pressed her moist lips against Miley's own. For a moment time stood still around the girls and all they were aware of was the damp heat which had risen between them from Lilly's soggy clothes, their old familiar essences, the disturbing clarity of their touching lips and the thrumming of the rain on the roof.

Lilly's lips moved slowly against Miley's, whose mouth parted open slightly from shock, only to draw the blonde closer to her. Miley was now whimpering and the sound whined painfully up into Lilly's mind as everything that she had ever wanted came back so suddenly and hauntingly to her that she felt so terrified, and knew that she was going to let go. Torturous emotion built up within both girls as they struggled with their changed feelings over the past years. Lilly knew that this was what she wanted, but more unspoken words with the brunette would eternally hold her back.

Lilly relented and pulled her lips away to leave Miley gasping for breath. The other woman was watching on with a stormy expression in anticipation of Lilly's next move, but Lilly was unable to provide her with answers. Lilly eased her body gradually off Miley's to give her more space to breathe.

Miley still had not spoken until she began to raise her left hand up and between them, ever closer to Lilly's face. Lilly watched her actions calmly, whilst mentally preparing herself not to shy away when Miley would inevitably slap her.

There was no strike from Miley's hand as it just hovered, intruding some of the space between them, whilst the turbulence within Miley's eyes subsided to leave way for remorse. Lilly's expression pouted confusion until her attention was drawn to something that sparkled on one of Miley's fingers. Her eyes travelled slowly over to her hand as her mind made the terrible realisation. She stared at the ring for several long moments, lips parted in disbelief, with blood pounding uncomfortably to her brain.

Lilly stepped away and released Miley from her hold completely.

"Lilly, Oliver and I are engaged." Miley said, but her voice was hollow and her throat apparently hoarse when she departed her fateful news.

"No…" Lilly breathed and found that it was the only thing that she could say.

Further tears fell from Miley's eyes, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I couldn't bring myself to finding you again. You hurt me too much. And now I'm finally able to look into your eyes and see you looking back, and it's agony. If only I knew a year ago what I know today."

Lilly only increased the distance between her and Miley, knowing that she would be driven to anguish if she should remain. To be with Miley at this point was like being burnt alive and Lilly finally knew that they could never go back. She should have just turned around three years ago.

Lilly could do nothing more than spin around and run. She left behind Miley Stewart, the love of her life, who she had spurned when she knew no better. The rain was relentless and now her only companion was her wounded soul which was scorched from rejection. Lilly knew not where she was running, or how she got there, but when she eventually fell, she landed on sand.

Lilly sobbed upon the earth, mirroring the exact position and feeling that she had left her previous girlfriend, when she had only managed to celebrate their relationship for a minute.

Lilly raised her head to the cloud-filled heavens and cried. Her heart was broken once more, shattered into a million tiny pieces forever.

_And now I've hurt myself by hurting you._


End file.
